5/6/2020 0 Comments Befriending DiscomfortLast week I attended an online workshop on Befriending Discomfort with some fabulous folks that I used to work with. I will highlight two takeaways that resonated with me as essential to living your best life in the midst of a fertility struggle; however, do yourself a favour and listen to the full workshop at the link below. It is well worth your time.
First, the 3C's of Resilience. These are excellent question to ask yourself, pray with or journal about. Commitment: Ask myself, am I committed? How committed am I? Control: What if I believe... I have options and the power to choose? Challenge: What if I believe... I am enough, I am capable, I will do my best and my best is good enough... it does not need to be pain free and some discomfort is inevitable? I know as human beings we want to avoid discomfort and struggle, and it is painful when the deepest desire of our hearts seems elusive. That's where resilience comes in, that muscle that is strengthened each time we use it. When faced with obstacles, disappointments or difficult decisions, we need to dig deep, allow our longing to fuel our commitment, focus on what we do have control over rather than on what's outside of our control, and accept that just because something is difficult doesn't mean that we're on the wrong path or that it will never happen. Second, it's so important to pause and notice what meaning we're making out of the struggle. We often equate discomfort with danger and it's important to note that these are not the same. Whether we're truly in danger or simply interpreting something as dangerous, we slip into fight, flight or freeze which automatically puts a halt on our reproductive system. After all, our body knows that it's not safe to get pregnant if we're in danger. So rather than giving in to negativity ("There must be something wrong with me." "It's never going to happen." "I don't think I'll survive if this next cycle doesn't work."), we can try to tap into our strength, our resilience and replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations ("It's going to hurt if I'm not pregnant this month but I will ultimately survive." "It's less of a matter of if I'll be a parent but more a question of when and how." "I am supported and I am strong."). One of my favourite mantras of the last few months has been, I can do hard things. Life isn't always easy but there is nothing like the empowerment that comes from sticking with it and coming out the other side - maybe with a few scrapes and bruises - but also with that deep sense of I did it! (and I am so glad that I didn't give up).
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