1/11/2019 0 Comments CommendOne of the things that I, and I know many hopeful parents, struggle with after a chemical pregnancy, failed embryo transfer or early pregnancy loss is, “Where did they go?” There is no body to see, to hold, to cremate or bury as is the case with a later term miscarriage or stillbirth. There is simply an unstoppable flow of blood sopped up with pads and tampons, lost down toilets and drains. There is nothing to hold on to, little tangible evidence that the child existed even briefly. As a minister who has stood at the bedsides of those making the transition from life to death, I know how important it is to help create some kind of closure for those who remain. I have witnessed the difference that it makes to the loved ones left behind when, with their permission, I offer a brief prayer of release, asking God to receive the recently deceased back into God’s care and keeping. For those who grieve, it’s awful to imagine their loved one’s body being taken to the morgue and then transferred to the funeral home. While those who care for the body do so with the greatest of respect, it can be hard for families to shake that feeling of their loved one being cold and alone. It is a comfort to imagine the spirit of the one who has died being welcomed into to a place of love, well-being, safety, protection, and peace. In the absence of recognized rituals or liturgies for loss at the earliest stages of pregnancy, I didn’t immediately know that this was what I needed after our most recent loss. But a few weeks later clarity eventually came and I knew I needed the little light that we had so hoped for and prayed would stay to be commended to God. As ministers each, my partner and I could have prayed the prayer ourselves but we also knew that we needed to be ministered to. There is something profound in being offered the gift of a mediator, the priest who ushers words between heaven and earth. So in the simplest of services we named the truth of what had happened and prayerfully released our child. Prayer of commendation: God in Life and Death, Into your hands we commend this child. Receive them into your eternal care. Words of assurance: Conceived in love, this little one has now returned to the Author of Love. As my partner often says when describing the mysteries of birth and death, we come from Love and we return to Love. While the ache of their absence is still very much present, to have named our hope in Love is a great comfort, a healing balm.
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