1/10/2019 0 Comments Grief spaceOurs is a death-adverse, grief-minimizing society. We’re often not very good at carving out the space needed to tend a loss. Even funeral and memorial services, which were historically givens, get delayed or are becoming more optional these days. Too often grief is silenced, dismissed or medicated and we try to return to normal or find our new normal as fast as possible.
Carving out space to grieve a reproductive loss can be particularly difficult. When few people know about a failed cycle or miscarriage and there isn’t a ritual to mark the loss, the bereaved are left floundering. Well-meaning messages to, “stay positive,” and, “believe your baby is still coming,” are helpful to a point but not at the expense of minimizing the very real feelings of anger and sadness. Grief, I have learned, will always push its way to the surface and all it wants is to be honoured. So I am giving myself permission to grieve and giving my loss some needed space. I choose to honour my grief because in the mystery of life and death, tending my broken heart with compassion is one way to honour the love, hope, and awe that the months of anticipation and my baby's brief presence here nurtured in me. I will cherish my tears because I cherish them. I will receive signs and symbols, and create my own rituals if I have to in order to make a mark. I will put some of my tasks on hold and clear my calendar, because sometimes that’s exactly what a mother needs to do.
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