11/13/2019 0 Comments IntuitionThere are well laid plans and then there are unexpected curve balls. I was thrown a curve ball yesterday.
I went into my monitoring appointment with ideals and ideas of how I wanted to approach this next cycle naturally but my doctor recommended a medicated protocol. I went in feeling confident; I left the clinic feeling very unsure. Do I stick with my initial plan and ignore my doctor's advice? Do I go along with what my doctor has suggested at the risk of not trusting my gut? "Trust your intuition," is what my partner texted me when I informed her of the possible change of course. As I got into the car for the long drive home from the clinic I turned off the radio and attempted to silence all the voices of influence: opinions of friends and alternative health care practitioners, my fertility doctor and fertility coach. I noticed how difficult it is for me not to be swayed by my desire to please or to meet the either real or perceived expectations of others, even though at the end of the day I'm the one who has to live with the decision. But when I allowed myself to get really quiet I got really clear. Deep down I knew what I wanted, and it wasn't about proving a point by pushing for a natural cycle or just going along with my doctor's recommendations because he's clearly the expert. My deepest internal wisdom was confident that I am ready to be a mother, and that I've felt good on my previously medicated cycles, and that I can still do all the things to support my body from a natural fertility perspective. Deep down it wasn't about appeasing anyone but gathering all the best wisdom from the best sources, allowing seemingly contradictory approaches to fertility treatment to work together to give me the best possible chance, and trusting my intuition. My day ended quite differently than it began as I took my first dose of medication before bed, feeling calm and confident because I know that when I trust the Spirit via my own internal wisdom to guide me, no matter the outcome of this cycle I will have no regrets.
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