6/29/2019 0 Comments MantraMantras...those words and phrases that we repeat to ourselves over and over again. Whether we're aware of it or not we're always sending ourselves subtle messaging, a commentary on our life. Too often our words to ourselves are critical or harsh, honing in on what's not going well and trying to correct through negative self-talk. As human beings we tend to be oriented to the negative; it's a leftover survival strategy from a time when constantly being on the lookout for danger kept us alive. But as most of us are lucky to not have to live in fear for our lives every moment of every day, our radar has turned inward with a new hyper-awareness of what's not okay with us. It's natural to want to change and improve ourselves or our lives, especially when something is not going to plan. On the fertility journey there are so many opportunities for things to not go as we had hoped and as women trying to conceive, it's easy to target ourselves and our bodies. If we were to say out loud what we tell ourselves, I imagine many of us would be shocked to hear those words coming from our lips as they're far from the encouraging sentiments we would share with our friends. Something that I am learning, however, is that negative feedback only fuels doubt and fear rather than the desired change. Negativity feeds negativity. It's that simple. Affirmations are one way to infuse some new truth and fresh hope into our system, especially when we're overly bogged down in negativity, shame, doubt, and fear. I have to admit that when I first printed off a fertility affirmation deck, I was intrigued yet skeptical that it could make any real difference. I wondered if pasting these positive messages over my deep shadows of self-doubt would just cause the latter to fester. What about leaning in and working through the difficult stuff? When I support others doing their inner work, I always advocate for listening to our fear because it has something important to teach us. I still believe that giving fear a voice is an essential part of the journey, but I am also learning that listening to my fear is different than feeding my doubt and fear. The shift from beating ourselves up to self-compassion may be subtle, but makes all the difference. For example: My mantra the past few days has been, "I can do hard things." It's been tested a few times in some seemingly insignificant ways, once as I was marching through the woods with a swarm of mosquitoes coming after me and also on the yoga mat as I found myself struggling with a side-plank. I was hot and tired and tempted to just give up. But I started repeating this mantra to myself, I can do hard things, I can do hard things... and managed to summon up the strength to complete my hike and my practice as I had set out to do. It wasn't a matter of pushing through to the point of harm, but rather gathering inner strength to do what I knew I was capable of doing. I left both the woods and the mat feeling stronger and grateful that I hadn't given up.
One of the things we talk about in my fertility support group is how we're feeding our minds. We share the affirmations that are resonating with us and books we're reading that inspire us. I'm currently reading Anne Lamott's latest book, Almost Everything: Notes on hope, and am finding the work of Morgan Harper Nichols to be wonderfully nourishing. What we tell ourselves matters...a lot. Might as well be uplifting and intentional about it.
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