11/23/2019 0 Comments TransformationWhile having my blood drawn at the fertility clinic the other day, I joked with a tech that I've nearly earned my 4-year degree in fertility. Trying to conceive has truly felt like an education. There have been many transformative moments and hard lessons learned. One of the biggest lessons that I've been learning lately is that no matter what happens on this journey, I will ultimately be okay. If there's a setback, disappointment or bad news I may not be okay right away, but I am gaining confidence in my ability to handle the tough stuff. As my personal fertility coach said to me recently, we can deal with the seemingly impossible because when it comes right down to it, we have no other choice. People get through devastating stuff everyday. What you can trust is your ability to get through it.
That's not to say that I always want to be preparing myself for the worst; I don't think that serves me well either. Preparing for the worst may provide me with a perceived layer of protection for a while but it ultimately depletes my mental, emotional and spiritual reserves, starving my resilience. However, there is a lot of emphasis in the fertility world on cultivating a positive mindset. I've gained a lot from dismantling my limiting beliefs, practicing affirmations, and dwelling in possibility. What hasn't worked for me is plastering positive thinking over my fears. I've experienced some teachings on positive thinking that just try to play a louder positive tape over old tapes of fear and doubt that are still playing in the background. Blasting, "I will get pregnant" or "If I believe it I can achieve it" over the very real possibility that I may not get pregnant this cycle hasn't felt right to me. What has felt right is remaining positive by remaining open to the potential and possibility of pregnancy, while also resting in the assurance that I have amazing internal and external supports and I will get through it even if the answer is, "No" or "Not yet." This mental shift from, "Everything's going to be exactly as I wish it to be" - which a part of me knows may not be true - to "I will be okay," has allowed me a new freedom and a deeper peace; it has actually bolstered my hope. I have noticed my fears relax as I've settled into this truth. The challenges that come with a journey through infertility provide so much opportunity for inner growth. I would never, ever tell someone that they're experiencing infertility to learn a lesson. However, even in the most trying of circumstances we always have a choice around how we respond and there is always the potential for transformation. For this most recent lesson learned, I am grateful.
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